Chaos and resurrection

I formally rebranded my business one year ago today.  I'd planned on adding private yoga lessons after my bodywork sessions, having a couple of massage therapists work with me, and was looking forward to stability in a great work environment.

Oh, how things change.

Summer of 2019 was to be my fun time with lots of traveling, live music, and education:  my reward for a hard couple of years of moving my office, a buildout, and getting my yoga teaching certification.  My goal was to come back renewed and rejuvenated.

Then my uncle, whom I was very close to - more like a brother - committed suicide at the end of August.  It hit me terribly hard, a wave of grief crashing into me and knocking me asunder.

I staggered for a few more months, until Greg, my Best Beloved, was involved in a near-fatal accident while bodysurfing in late November.  Between the stress and the grief and the fear, I went down hard.

Now we have bonus coronavirus, widespread unemployment, race riots, and a "leader" who is MIA.

I think it's safe to say we're all a little rattled.

The fortunate thing about chaos, when everything falls apart and the center cannot hold, is that we get to reinvent ourselves.

Unfortunately--or fortunately, perhaps--we cannot control how others think or behave.  We can only control ourselves.

For the last month, I've pretty much just allowed my brain to go into free-fall.  If I wanted a particular coping method, I allowed myself to have it without judgment, no record whether it was "good" or "bad."  I know not all of my choices have been--shall we say--in service of my higher self (my wider self, maybe).

The time has come to rein things in, figure out what the future is going to look like, and how to get there.

May we all land on our feet.